Saturday, October 3, 2009
As the whole world turns black and i no longer feel my body giving away i look down a tunnel and i hear, "come here my son, you have a decision to make." I get to the end and i see a man i have never seen before, he ushers me to follow him on a road of gold and asks, "what is your reason?" i knew instantly what he was talking about, "my life was to much to bear." he doesn't steal a glance at me when i said this. we arrive at a well surrounded by withered plants and i ask, "What is this place?" he responds "your purpose." I am astonished with such a confusing answer, he tells me "look into the well." I walk over and look down into the black well and i see the ripples make shapes and forms i have never seen water make. I see images of my painful past, I see all that has happened to me, I pull my head out as quickly as my head will allow and i ask, "is this why you brought me here??? for me to whiteness what i can only get away from by death!" the man answerer's, "but even death has no peace if you run away from life, look into the well again and whiteness your future if you truly want this." i hesitate to look, but i see everyone i know, a casket in a graveyard lays beside its 6 foot hole. a eulogy is being given, my best friend speaks, "thank you all for coming, I'm so happy to see everyone here to say there final goodbyes to a person that we love, I.....I tried my best to prepare a paper to give to y'all but I cannot come up with the right words to speak on behalf of him, only that.....he was the best person i have ever known and i loved him soo much, I honestly cant imagine why he left us all behind...."she pauses, as she looks at my mother, she knows she said the wrong thing. my mom bursts into tears and runs away from the funeral. "I.....I ask God why he lets this happen...and...." she looks up "TAKE ME TO." i couldn't bear to watch it anymore, I pull my head out of the well and look at the man, he says, "i have one more thing to show you, please come" i walk with him and we come to another well, but this one is surrounded by dead plants and grey skies. he asks me to look into the well, i look and I see the man in this well, he is in a house with a note next to were he stands in the middle of a bed room, he holds a gun to his head and pulls the trigger, after that, i see a woman in black standing over his grave in tears, she whispers so quietly i couldn't hear her, i lift my head out of the well, "what did she say?" the man answers "why did you leave me alone." I run back to my well and I look into my well again, i see my friend in her living room alone, she has a rope around her neck and cry "I CANT.....I just cant (sniffle) live without him" I lift my head up and the man puts his hand on my shoulder and asks "are you resting in peace?" I turn around and punch him in the face "SHUT UP" the man collapses and i collapse next to him in tears. he steadily pushes himself upward and wipes the blood from his lip, "look into the well again." i stand up slowly and look in again, i see me in the hospital, my best friend is crying over my body. i lift my head and the man says, "what you saw just now is present, you still have a chance, if nothing else, your purpose is to live for THEM, your overdose on sleeping pills has you in a critical condition, but your not dead. I shot myself, I HAD NO CHANCE, I PUT A BULLET TO MY BRAIN, NOW I LIVE THROUGH ETERNITY WATCHING ALL MY LOVED ONES LIVE LIFE, WITHOUT ME, MY WIFE CANNOT MOVE ON AND SHE IS DESTROYED. SUICIDE SHOULD NOT BE CALLED SUICIDE, IT KILLS EVERYONE CLOSE TO YOU TOO, I WISH EVERYDAY THAT I COULD TELL MY WIFE I'M SO SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW WAT I WOULD LEAVE BEHIND THE REASON FOR ME TO LIVE......choose, do you still want to live a life with pain, or experience a painful afterlife?" I automatically respond "LIFE!!! PLEASE I WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN, I WANT TO LIVE LIFE FOR THEM" then all the withered flowers stand tall and bloom, sun comes into the beautiful garden, the man looks at me with tears and says, "then go." I wake with a sudden jolt, i feel pressure on my chest and i look down, i see my best friend, i am in the hospital. "ouch, your hurting me." i said, she looks up, "YOUR AWAKE" then she grasps me tightly and i hold her, she slaps me and cries "WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID??? WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ME?" then i answered, "because...... i have a big favor to ask of you." she asks "what do you want me to do?" i answerer "take me to the nearest graveyard. She drives me to the funeral and i walk out the car, staggering, I'm still weak. my friend helps me along the way into the sad few acres of land, i see a lady in black crying over a grave, she whispers, "why did you leave me alone?" i put my hand on her shoulder and answerer, "because he didn't know what he would leave behind, he wishes he could say goodbye everyday and hes so sorry, he never meant to leave you, the reason to live, behind."